Deciding to get a divorce is a monumental life decision that can be nothing short of life-changing for everyone involved. Taking such a step can sometimes feel like the only way forward, but it is crucial to first take a step back from your situation and explore all of your options before plunging ahead. Below, we’ve outlined 5 essential questions to properly consider before saying the weighty words, “I want a divorce.”
1) Have I Explored Every Avenue to Rebuild My Marriage?
Although it is possible to remarry an ex-spouse, divorce itself is irreversible. Being sure it is the right choice for you is therefore very important, so you should take the time to really ask yourself, “Do I truly want a divorce or is there still a chance that we could work things out?” If some level of love or commitment still exists between you and your partner, then couples therapy may be a valid option for rejuvenating your marriage.
Professional therapy can offer a safe space to address the issues in your relationship with your partner so that you can both better understand what went wrong and where. A good therapist helps by facilitating open and honest communication between you and your spouse surrounding topics or conflicts that the two of you may have found too difficult or complex to address on your own. With their guidance, you will learn to develop healthier conflict resolution skills and more balanced methods of compromise that may just give your relationship the second wind of life it needs to succeed.
If therapy isn’t an option, try to take time to reflect independently. Identifying the root causes of the conflict in your marriage—whether they’re financial struggles, stress, or unresolved grief—can provide clarity about whether reconciliation is still a possibility. If however you find that divorce is truly the only option left, then at least you know you have exhausted every other avenue before this last resort.
2) How Will This Impact My Children and Family?
It is sometimes easy to forget in the heat of the moment that a divorce doesn’t only affect you and your spouse; it can have a profound effect on your children and family, impacting the former dramatically if they are very young. The upheaval of family dynamics, the associated emotional strain, and potential custody battles can take a severe toll on everyone involved.
In the event that you do decide a divorce is the best way forward, aim to prioritise open and honest communication with your children throughout the entire process. Try to ensure they understand that the separation is not their fault and that both parents will remain committed to their well-being and to loving them always. It is also vital to establish clear custody arrangements as early as you can to minimize the unavoidable disruption to their routines. Ideally, maintaining continuity by living near their school or friends (although this may not always be possible) and encouraging their relationships with both parents and peers is the best approach.
3) Am I Fully Aware of the Financial Implications Involved?
It can be said that divorce is just as much of a financial decision as it is an emotional one. You should always ensure that you fully understand how a potential separation will affect your financial stability by asking yourself, “Can I support myself and any dependents after I get divorced?”
The legal fees, housing costs, and divvying up of assets that come hand in hand with a divorce can put significant strain on your resources, so consider how the financial arrangements within your marriage—such as joint accounts, any debt owed, or shared investments—will be divided. It will be essential to plan for the long-term costs of living separately if you want to successfully build a new life with greater ease post your divorce. To help with this, consider seeking professional financial advice on how to manage all your affairs in your divorce. This will also help prevent any unpleasant surprises further down the road.
4) What Are the Legal and Practical Aspects to Consider?
The labyrinth of legal paperwork that a divorce typically involves can be discombobulating, especially when disputes arise between you and your spouse over separating your personal and financial affairs.
In fact, legal negotiations can sometimes drag on for years when spouses are at odds over ‘who gets what’ and ‘where the children are going to live’, so having a skilled solicitor to assist you with the entire process is strongly advised. By guiding you through the legalities of each step, including asset division and child arrangements, they can help increase your chances of a favourable outcome. Alternatively, you can also conduct independent research into your rights and options if you wish to represent yourself in court as a litigant in person, but it is important to note that it can be hard to successfully argue your case without formal legal training – especially if the other party has professional legal representation of their own.
5) Am I Emotionally Ready to Take This Step?
Aside from the financial and practical toll it can take, the emotional implications of divorce are certainly not for the faint of heart. The intense feelings of grief, anger, or guilt that it can trigger will only heighten the already challenging financial and practical aspects of a separation, so you need to be sure that you are well prepared to face this. Reach out to your family and friends and consider personal therapy to help create a secure support system that you will need to weather the storm.
Once you have put your plans into action, remember as well that patience is key. Divorce can bring up many unresolved issues, even when both parties are being cooperative, so the road to a resolution can be long and very difficult. Aim to stay focused on your goals, make sure you prioritize self-care, and remember that it’s okay to seek help when you need it.
At Grayfords, our team of family law solicitors are highly experienced in all areas of family law, including divorce, financial arrangements, and child arrangements. With an empathetic approach designed to support our clients alongside other trusted professionals that we work closely with in private family law, counselling, and therapy, we can help you navigate your divorce and build a future post your separation that you can thrive in. Don’t hesitate to contact us today on 020 7100 6100 and book in your free initial consultation to find out more.
