Choosing to get married is generally not a decision that is taken lightly, and with good reason too. In fact, marriage is one of the most significant legal commitments that a person can make. Because of this, the importance of being sure that you are making the right decision for you is crucial, and so it is strongly advised that you take ample time to reflect on your relationship and future with your partner before saying the big ‘I do’.
Below, our family law solicitors have compiled a list of six key questions that you should ask yourself first to help you make a well-informed decision if you are considering getting married.
1. Do I Want Children?
At the top of our list is probably one of the most important topics that you should discuss with any partner that you are considering making a long-term commitment to. Do you want kids? If so, how many?
Other related questions surrounding timings and what exactly are your expectations with regards to parenting styles and each parent’s responsibilities are also going to need to be explored here. The reality is that raising children is one of the most challenging undertakings that anyone can make, and so the importance of being certain that you and your partner are both on the same page in this area of your lives cannot be understated.
2. Are My Life Goals Aligned with My Partner’s?
Children aside, what are some of your long-term aspirations in life? Do you have any career ambitions, ideas of where you want to live, travel plans, and/or personal projects that mean a lot to you?
Discussing these with your partner will help make clear to you whether they share a similar vision for their future and therefore how compatible your life plans are. If there are some disagreements, can compromises be made by either one of you without resentment creeping in? All successful relationships and marriages are of course based on a degree of healthy compromise, but you may need to reconsider things if you both have non-negotiables that are at odds with each other.
3. How Do I Handle Conflict, and How Does My Partner?
After healthy compromise, another key ingredient to a successful long-term relationship is good conflict resolution. Everyone approaches conflict differently and so understanding how well you and your partner do (or don’t) manage arguments or disagreements between the two of you is very important.
For example, are you someone who needs time to cool off after a clash, or do you prefer to find an immediate resolution right there and then? Your partner might be adamant about talking things through in the moment, but this could make things challenging if you lean more towards needing to take time and space before tackling subjects of contention. Ultimately, effective problem solving is only achievable when you both understand how you each manage disagreements and are able to find a middle ground that suits you both when problems arise. Not having a system in place for conflict can lead to unresolved tensions building up slowly over time, eventually even contributing to a relationship breakdown.
4. What Are My Core Values, and Do They Align with My Partner’s?
It goes without saying that core values—such as religious beliefs, family traditions, financial habits, and ethical principles—play a huge role in a successful marriage. Do you want your children to be brought up in line with a particular belief system for example? Do you value spending a lot of time with close relatives and having their involvement in child rearing or are you more independent in that respect? What about how you envision managing your finances, and what are your expectations surrounding intimacy and fidelity in your relationship?
If you and your partner have any significant differences in these areas of your lives, you need to be aware that these could end up becoming sources of significant conflict or strain in your relationship over time. Discussing how you will both navigate any disparities in your individual values as early as possible in your relationship will make all the difference as to how successful your union is.
5. Am I Emotionally and Financially Ready for Marriage?
Taking all the above into consideration, it is also important to acknowledge that marriage is not solely about love; it evidently requires a lot of emotional maturity, and financial stability too, if you are going to be able to make things work.
Consider whether you are in a place where you can support both your financial needs and the monetary requirements of building a shared life together – caring for children is expensive, as an example. Have you discussed debt, spending habits, and financial expectations with your partner too?
Finances aside, the commitment of marriage is not without its own psychological and emotional demands. You should be sure that are you able to enter in this chapter of your life as a well-rounded, stable adult who is capable of meeting their own personal needs consistently, as well as the needs of others in their budding family when needed.
6. Do I Feel Completely Myself Around My Partner?
Last but not least, ask yourself if you can be your true self with your partner, without fear of judgment. The strongest of marriages are built on friendships between lovers that are grounded in honesty and authenticity. If you ever feel pressured to change the fundamentals of who you are as a person for your partner, it may be worth reconsidering whether this relationship is the right one for you.
Neil Graham, a Partner at Grayfords comments as follows: “embarking on a relationship is a great adventure and leap of faith in equal measure. None of us ever goes into a relationship expecting it to come to an end. It’s always worth thinking about a Cohabitation Agreement or a Pre-nuptial Agreement, however, just in case the relationship runs its course. It’s a good way of avoiding any acrimony if things don’t ultimately work out and provided both parties have entered into the Agreement freely and willingly, with a clear understanding of their partner’s financial resources and with the benefit of legal advice the Agreement is likely to be enforceable.”
If you are considering marriage or a long-term commitment to a partner, our family law solicitors can help you put in place the necessary legal provisions for this, such as a prenup or a cohabitation agreement. To find out more about how we can help, don’t hesitate to call us on 020 7100 6100 and book your free initial consultation today.