Getting married is a significant step for anyone – and it can seem especially daunting when considering the reality of whether you feel ready for such a major commitment. Questions surrounding your future, life goals, and current financial position, along with how these align with those of your partner, can swarm your mind, but there is often one specific question that stands out, “Have we been together long enough for this next step?”
The answer, according to statistical research and what our family law solicitors have observed in their work, is certainly far from straightforward. However, there are a few strong indicators that some periods of dating yield better outcomes than others, which we will delve into below.
What Do the Stats Say?
A study from Emory University at Atlanta, which surveyed over 3000 marriages, found that couples who dated for one to two years before getting engaged had a 20% lower likelihood of divorce than those who dated for less than a year. According to the same research, couples who dated for three or more years reduced their risk even further by about 50%. On this side of the pond, data from the UK’s Office for National Statistics (ONS) reveals that the average age at first marriage is continuing to rise—32.7 for men and 31.2 for women in 2022—and that more than 90% of couples are now choosing to cohabit before tying the knot. Although every relationship is of course unique to itself, these trends might suggest that longer dating periods, coupled with ‘testing out the waters’ of living together beforehand, may offer a better foundation for long-term success of saying the big ‘I do’.
The Merits of the ‘Slow Burn’
These findings also appear to be supported by much of what family lawyers generally tend to witness when dealing with marriages that have broken down. “If I knew he/she was like this, I would never have married them!” is a statement that often gets thrown the room – and perhaps with good reason too. Relationship experts generally recommend at least a year of dating to properly assess whether you have long-term compatibility emotionally and psychologically with a potential spouse.
Hidden characteristics will often emerge in the face of things like going away on holiday together, meeting each other’s family, and having your first real arguments during this time, allowing you to have a more objective view of your partner without the rose-tinted glasses of the ‘honeymoon period’. Furthermore, facing the highs and lows of life together helps not only to expose each other’s strengths and vulnerabilities in this way, but it also offers an opportunity to strengthen the relationship by highlighting communication styles and problem-solving strategies that work best for the both of you.
Making Sure You Have the Right Reasons for Marriage
It is also important to note here that your motivations for getting engaged should be properly evaluated as well. Relationship experts warn people to avoid using marriage as a way to “fix” or redefine a relationship that is already struggling. After all, a successful marriage largely depends on how well both spouses know each other, not just how long they have been together. Because of this, it is crucial to understand whether your values surrounding things like managing money, resolving conflicts, or approaching parenting are truly aligned. Couples who share a similar mindset on these key aspects of life will generally have an easier time of maintaining their marriage in the long run than those who are at odds about them.
Choosing to get married understandably requires a lot of forethought and reflection, especially when taking into account all of the above. Whether you’ve been dating for months or years and are considering the possibility of making things official with your partner, our team at Grayfords can help guide you to take the necessary legal steps to ensure that your rights and personal affairs are protected. Our family law solicitors are highly experienced in prenuptial and postnuptial agreements, as well as cohabitation agreements covering key areas like finances and children, so don’t hesitate to contact us today on 020 7100 6100 to book your free consultation and find out more about how we can help with your family matter.