How to deal with co-parenting with a difficult ex

How to deal with co-parenting with a difficult ex

Three Unavoidable Truths For Separated Parents

If the thought of having to deal with co-parenting with a challenging ex is leaving you cold, you are not alone.

Every year in the UK, thousands of couples with children separate and must work together to find a way to bring up their children whilst living separate lives. While this journey will be different for every family, there are a some things you can do to help make the transition easier.

Why deal with co-parenting at all?

You may be asking yourself whether finding a way through a difficult break-up to a place where you can both deal with co-parenting your children together is worth it.

Unless your relationship broke down due to a serious issue which could put your children at risk, such as domestic violence, it is always best to try and find a way to have both parents play an active role in a child’s daily life.

This way, the children can still benefit from the close relationship they have with both parents.

Of course, putting aside differences, particularly when a relationship ended badly and you’d rather never see that person again, can be easier said than done.

Top tips for making co-parenting work

  1. Try to think of your relationship with your ex-partner or spouse as a different one to the co-parenting relationship you will have with them

It may even help to frame it in your mind as a completely new relationship which is solely about what is in the best interests of the children – and nothing at all to do with your feelings towards each other.

Each time you feel yourself getting upset or angry at your ex, ask yourself if these feelings are stemming from your children’s interests or whether it is really about how you feel about your ex.

Setting aside these feelings can be difficult, particularly when they are strong. But focusing on your child’s happiness and future well-being each time you feel resentment or anger towards your ex, can help those feelings to diminish in importance.

Over time, it will become easier.

  1. Separate your feelings from your behaviour

How you feel and how you react to your feelings are two different things.

You may not be in control of what your ex says or does or how it makes you feel, but you can choose how to respond.

Act in a way that benefits your children and their feelings.

Of course, you are going to need to acknowledge your feelings and talk about them and you certainly shouldn’t try to deal with co-parenting on your own. However, steer clear of involving your children. A friend or a counsellor can help you to get those feelings off your chest.

  1. It’s all about communication

When talking to your ex about your children, keep it professional. Imagine you are in a business meeting, dealing with a difficult client. You know you can’t rise to the bait and must deal with the business at hand. In this case, that is your child’s wellbeing.

You should find that the things that used to annoy you about your ex – or the way they knew exactly how to wind you up – will dull over time.

Once the children become front and centre to any interaction you have with your ex, you should find those feelings of anger or resentment will start to melt away.

If you are going through a divorce or separation and would like more information on your child arrangements and co-parenting options, get in touch to book your free appointment with one of our specialist family solicitors today.

Neil Graham, a Partner at Grayfords, comments as follows: “The breakdown of relationships can be particularly difficult for children. Coming to terms with the fact that your parents can no longer live together is far from easy and it is not unusual for children to feel caught between their parents or to feel that they may be partially to blame for the breakdown of their parents’ relationship. It is important to avoid this and to minimise the impact of the breakdown of the relationship upon children which is usually best achieved by putting their needs first, avoiding involving them in any animosity between their parents and trying to agree amicably arrangements that afford them stability and familiarity going forwards.  That is not always possible, especially where one parent is implacably hostile to the other, and the Court will become involved if it has to in order to ensure that the children’s best interests are met. Asking the Court to intervene should always be regarded as a last resort and there are many ways of avoiding that, if at all possible, that are identified in the links below.”

 

https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/

https://thefma.co.uk/

https://www.nfm.org.uk/

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

https://www.rcjadvice.org.uk/family/spip/

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/parenting-together/supporting-your-children-through-divorce-and-separation/

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

https://www.place2be.org.uk/about-us/news-and-blogs/2021/may/how-to-support-your-child-through-a-separation-or-divorce/

Scroll to Top

Success

Your submission was successful.

Regular Catch-up Strategies


At Grayfords, we understand the importance of developing effective strategies to achieve the desired outcomes for our clients in family law and private client law matters. That's why we prioritise regular catch-up strategies to ensure that your case is handled efficiently and aligned with your goals. 

As experienced family and private client lawyers, and strategy experts, we recognise that every case is unique and requires a tailored approach. Through regular catch-up sessions, we engage in open and collaborative discussions with our clients to gain a thorough understanding of their objectives, concerns, and preferences. These ‘catch-ups’ allow us to assess the progress of your case, identify any evolving needs or challenges, and adjust our strategies accordingly. We are also then able to put in place any personal support our clients may need should they wish to avail themselves of our coaching and therapy & mental health services at any point during their legal matter.

By maintaining regular communication, we can provide you with updates on the status of your case, share important information, and address any questions or concerns you may have. This proactive approach ensures that you are actively involved in the decision-making process and empowers you to make informed choices throughout the legal proceedings. 

Our aim is to ensure that your case is being handled in the most efficient and effective way possible. Through our regular catch-up strategies, we can evaluate the success of our current strategies, make necessary adjustments, and optimise our approach to maximise the chances of achieving a favourable outcome for you. 

At Grayfords, we value your input and understand that your goals are essential to the success of your case. Our commitment to regular catch-up strategies reflects our dedication to providing personalised and client-centered legal services. By working together, we can create a strong partnership and develop strategies that align with your vision and aspirations. 

Strategic Partnerships​


At Grayfords, we believe in the power of strategic partnerships to enhance the quality and efficiency of our legal services. We understand that legal matters often require expertise in various specialised areas, and that's why we have established strong relationships with trusted and renowned specialists in both family law, private client law, and therapy and mental health support.

Our strategic partnerships enable us to provide a streamlined and comprehensive legal service to our clients. When your case requires consultation or assistance in specific areas of the law, we have the resources and connections to quickly and efficiently engage the right experts. 

Whether it's a complex family law issue or a multifaceted private client law matter, our network of trusted specialists allows us to draw upon their knowledge and experience to provide the best possible advice and representation for our clients. These partnerships ensure that we can offer comprehensive solutions that address all aspects of your case, providing you with a holistic approach to your legal (and personal) needs. 

By collaborating with specialists in various legal fields, we can navigate intricate legal challenges more effectively, saving you time, effort, and potential complications. Our commitment to strategic partnerships means that we stay informed about the latest developments in family law and private client law, ensuring that our advice and strategies are up-to-date and relevant. 

At Grayfords, we value the importance of offering a well-rounded legal service to our clients. Our strategic partnerships enable us to tap into a wealth of expertise and resources, ultimately enhancing the quality and effectiveness of our services. You can trust that we have the necessary connections to consult with specialists whenever needed, ensuring that every aspect of your case is addressed with proficiency and efficiency while also supporting you on a personal level as needed.

Time for you


At Grayfords, we understand the value of time, and we prioritise our clients by ensuring that they receive the attention and support they need throughout their legal journey. Unlike other family law and firms, we never claim to be too busy for our clients. We believe that effective communication is essential, and our team is always accessible and responsive to your needs.

Whether you have a question, or concern, or need an update on your case, our dedicated team of family law and private client law experts will be readily available to assist you. We go the extra mile to ensure that you can reach us conveniently and promptly. You can count on us to answer your calls or reply to your messages on platforms like WhatsApp, enabling efficient and effective communication.

Our commitment to internal collaboration and dynamism ensures that there is always someone available to address your family law or private client law case. We understand that legal matters can be time-sensitive, and we strive to provide timely and accurate advice. You can rely on our team's collective knowledge and expertise to guide you through the complexities of family law and private client law.

At Grayfords, we recognise that your time is valuable, and we respect that by being responsive, accessible, and dedicated to your case. We prioritise open and transparent communication, keeping you informed and involved every step of the way. You can trust that we will dedicate the necessary time and attention to your legal matters, ensuring that you feel supported and well taken care of.

Specialised Service


At Grayfords, we offer a specialised range of services across both family law and private client law, tailored to meet the unique needs of our clients. With a focus on honesty, empathy, and pragmatism, we provide reliable legal advice that is designed to help our clients achieve success in their legal matters. 

In the realm of family law, we understand the emotional challenges that can arise during sensitive family disputes. Our team of experienced family law solicitors provides compassionate support and guidance throughout the process. Whether you are going through a divorce, child custody battle, or dealing with complex property division, we have the expertise to navigate these intricate matters while prioritising your best interests. 

In the field of private client law, we recognise the complexities and demands that business owners and HNWIs face in today's dynamic marketplace. Our private client law services encompass a wide range of areas including wealth planning, asset management, trusts, wills, probate, and lasting powers of attorney. We aim to be your trusted legal partner, offering strategic advice and solutions that align with your commercial objectives as you navigate your family matter. 

At Grayfords, we believe in fostering long-term exceptional working relationships with our clients. Our dedicated team goes above and beyond to understand your unique circumstances and provide tailored legal solutions that anticipate your individual needs. We pride ourselves on delivering an outstanding personal service level, ensuring that you feel supported and informed throughout your legal journey.  

Our ultimate goal is to alleviate the pressure and stress often associated with legal matters. We are committed to guiding you through the complexities of family law and private client law, allowing you to focus on what matters most to you. Trust Grayfords to provide you with the specialised legal services you deserve, backed by our expertise, integrity, and dedication to your success.