How to make divorce and separation easier for children

How to make divorce and separation easier for children

The Implications Of The Child Support Obligation And It’s Long-lasting Impact On All Of Us

Watching their parents divorce or separate can be one of the most difficult experiences any child will have to go through.

The reality is, that for many children, seeing their parents separate will be the toughest thing they have encountered so far. Understanding how divorce can affect children and knowing what you can do as parents to help them adjust, can enable you to take the necessary steps to ensure that the sometimes bumpy road to having two parents who are no longer together, runs as smoothly as possible.

Children react in different ways

There is no ‘normal’ way for a child to react when they hear that their parents are separating.

Shock is not unusual. Often, children will be confused, too. Depending on their age and level of understanding, they will probably have a great deal of questions.

Anxiety is also common, as the only family that they have ever known is changing forever, in a big way.

The emotions that children feel when they find out their parents are separating, can result in everything from sleepless nights to temper tantrums. Often it is difficult for children to articulate their feelings in words, especially if they are young.

Break the news together if possible

If you can, you and your partner should tell your children about your separation together. This way, you are showing a united front, so the children don’t think that it is just one parent’s decision and that the other parent is unhappy or to blame. This can help to reduce conflict and anxiety for the children.

It’s important to break the news in an age-appropriate manner. How much detail you tell the children and how you explain the situation, will depend upon their age.  It is good to agree together upon the level of detail and what you are both going to say before speaking to the children.  If you are in any doubt as to what to tell the children or as to the level of detail, guidance can be sought together from some of the organisations referred to in the link in the comment at the end of this article.

It’s also important to explain to them that the separation is not as a result of anything that they may or may not have done but simply as a result of the fact that their parents may not be living in the same house in the future.

Stick to the practicalities

Children will want to know what this means for them. Explain to them that, for example, they will now be lucky enough to have two homes, one with one parent and one with the other.

Informing children of how everything will work will help to provide certainty and stability for them which will help them to feel less anxious about the future.

Answer any questions

Encourage your children to talk about any concerns they have. Reassure them that if they have questions at any time, they can ask either you or your partner.

Ensuring that children are able to talk freely about the situation, without being worried that they will upset either parent, can help to make sure that small concerns don’t turn into big problems. Keep the dialogue open by regularly asking your children if they want to talk about anything.

Tell them you both love them

Maybe most importantly, reassure your children that both you and your spouse still love them and nothing will change that. It is not unusual for children to think that it is something that they have done wrong that ended your relationship. Make sure that they are clear that this is not the case.

Be respectful of your partner at all times

No matter what the differences may be between you and your partner it is important to always speak positively of them in front of your children.  It is natural for children to want to please both their parents.  Any divisive or negative comments, therefore, may cause them to internalise any conflict between the two of you which may have a negative and long-lasting effect on them.

Neil Graham, a Partner at Grayfords, comments as follows: “The interests and welfare of the children should always be the most important consideration when relationships break down, not only when the day-to-day arrangements for them in the future are determined but also when their needs are considered as part of a resolution of the financial consequences.  Whilst we at Grayfords have extensive knowledge and experience of the legal remedies and processes involved in each of these two areas we recognise the importance, first and foremost, of trying to resolve any differences by agreement either in the form of mediation or alternative means of resolution before resorting to legal proceedings.  Alongside each of these processes, there are practical ways in which parents can assist by minimising the impact of the breakdown of their relationship on the children such as some of those referred to in the article above or such as attending a Separated Parents Information Programme, full details of which are available via the following link: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/separated-parents-information-programme/

We have also produced a book which may be of assistance both to parents and to children, the proceeds of which go to the Evelina Children’s Hospital.  Full details may be accessed via the following link:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Forest-Families-Squirrel-Beyond-Law-ebook/dp/B07356YVQJ

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Regular Catch-up Strategies


At Grayfords, we understand the importance of developing effective strategies to achieve the desired outcomes for our clients in family law and private client law matters. That's why we prioritise regular catch-up strategies to ensure that your case is handled efficiently and aligned with your goals. 

As experienced family and private client lawyers, and strategy experts, we recognise that every case is unique and requires a tailored approach. Through regular catch-up sessions, we engage in open and collaborative discussions with our clients to gain a thorough understanding of their objectives, concerns, and preferences. These ‘catch-ups’ allow us to assess the progress of your case, identify any evolving needs or challenges, and adjust our strategies accordingly. We are also then able to put in place any personal support our clients may need should they wish to avail themselves of our coaching and therapy & mental health services at any point during their legal matter.

By maintaining regular communication, we can provide you with updates on the status of your case, share important information, and address any questions or concerns you may have. This proactive approach ensures that you are actively involved in the decision-making process and empowers you to make informed choices throughout the legal proceedings. 

Our aim is to ensure that your case is being handled in the most efficient and effective way possible. Through our regular catch-up strategies, we can evaluate the success of our current strategies, make necessary adjustments, and optimise our approach to maximise the chances of achieving a favourable outcome for you. 

At Grayfords, we value your input and understand that your goals are essential to the success of your case. Our commitment to regular catch-up strategies reflects our dedication to providing personalised and client-centered legal services. By working together, we can create a strong partnership and develop strategies that align with your vision and aspirations. 

Strategic Partnerships​


At Grayfords, we believe in the power of strategic partnerships to enhance the quality and efficiency of our legal services. We understand that legal matters often require expertise in various specialised areas, and that's why we have established strong relationships with trusted and renowned specialists in both family law, private client law, and therapy and mental health support.

Our strategic partnerships enable us to provide a streamlined and comprehensive legal service to our clients. When your case requires consultation or assistance in specific areas of the law, we have the resources and connections to quickly and efficiently engage the right experts. 

Whether it's a complex family law issue or a multifaceted private client law matter, our network of trusted specialists allows us to draw upon their knowledge and experience to provide the best possible advice and representation for our clients. These partnerships ensure that we can offer comprehensive solutions that address all aspects of your case, providing you with a holistic approach to your legal (and personal) needs. 

By collaborating with specialists in various legal fields, we can navigate intricate legal challenges more effectively, saving you time, effort, and potential complications. Our commitment to strategic partnerships means that we stay informed about the latest developments in family law and private client law, ensuring that our advice and strategies are up-to-date and relevant. 

At Grayfords, we value the importance of offering a well-rounded legal service to our clients. Our strategic partnerships enable us to tap into a wealth of expertise and resources, ultimately enhancing the quality and effectiveness of our services. You can trust that we have the necessary connections to consult with specialists whenever needed, ensuring that every aspect of your case is addressed with proficiency and efficiency while also supporting you on a personal level as needed.

Time for you


At Grayfords, we understand the value of time, and we prioritise our clients by ensuring that they receive the attention and support they need throughout their legal journey. Unlike other family law and firms, we never claim to be too busy for our clients. We believe that effective communication is essential, and our team is always accessible and responsive to your needs.

Whether you have a question, or concern, or need an update on your case, our dedicated team of family law and private client law experts will be readily available to assist you. We go the extra mile to ensure that you can reach us conveniently and promptly. You can count on us to answer your calls or reply to your messages on platforms like WhatsApp, enabling efficient and effective communication.

Our commitment to internal collaboration and dynamism ensures that there is always someone available to address your family law or private client law case. We understand that legal matters can be time-sensitive, and we strive to provide timely and accurate advice. You can rely on our team's collective knowledge and expertise to guide you through the complexities of family law and private client law.

At Grayfords, we recognise that your time is valuable, and we respect that by being responsive, accessible, and dedicated to your case. We prioritise open and transparent communication, keeping you informed and involved every step of the way. You can trust that we will dedicate the necessary time and attention to your legal matters, ensuring that you feel supported and well taken care of.

Specialised Service


At Grayfords, we offer a specialised range of services across both family law and private client law, tailored to meet the unique needs of our clients. With a focus on honesty, empathy, and pragmatism, we provide reliable legal advice that is designed to help our clients achieve success in their legal matters. 

In the realm of family law, we understand the emotional challenges that can arise during sensitive family disputes. Our team of experienced family law solicitors provides compassionate support and guidance throughout the process. Whether you are going through a divorce, child custody battle, or dealing with complex property division, we have the expertise to navigate these intricate matters while prioritising your best interests. 

In the field of private client law, we recognise the complexities and demands that business owners and HNWIs face in today's dynamic marketplace. Our private client law services encompass a wide range of areas including wealth planning, asset management, trusts, wills, probate, and lasting powers of attorney. We aim to be your trusted legal partner, offering strategic advice and solutions that align with your commercial objectives as you navigate your family matter. 

At Grayfords, we believe in fostering long-term exceptional working relationships with our clients. Our dedicated team goes above and beyond to understand your unique circumstances and provide tailored legal solutions that anticipate your individual needs. We pride ourselves on delivering an outstanding personal service level, ensuring that you feel supported and informed throughout your legal journey.  

Our ultimate goal is to alleviate the pressure and stress often associated with legal matters. We are committed to guiding you through the complexities of family law and private client law, allowing you to focus on what matters most to you. Trust Grayfords to provide you with the specialised legal services you deserve, backed by our expertise, integrity, and dedication to your success.