One of the perhaps less explored aspects of divorce and its manifold impact on people’s lives is the toll that it can often take on one’s mental health. Putting aside the practicalities of legal proceedings, financial adjustments, and child arrangements, the sheer emotional upheaval and mental stress of a divorce can be enough in and of itself to flatten even the most resilient of temperaments! For this reason, it is crucial to make sure that you are taking necessary precautions to protect your mental health if you are considering or are already facing divorce.
Get Professional Help Early On
Maybe you’ve heard it repeated several times by a friend or somewhere on social media that therapy is worth it. Although it may seem a tad trite in today’s ‘woke’ cultural environment, the reality is that every word of this does in fact ring true. Engaging with a mental health professional, whether that be a counsellor, psychiatrist, or a psychologist, can provide you with a safe space to process the inevitably complex array of emotions that come hand in hand with divorce.
A well-trained therapist will be able to equip you with coping strategies that are tailored to your own unique situation so that you don’t become overwhelmed during the separation process. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective here in recognizing and reframing negative thoughts of guilt, unworthiness, or feelings of failure so that you are able to develop a more balanced and compassionate view of your situation. Alternatively, if one-on-one therapy feels too daunting at first, why not explore joining a support group? Attending regular meetings where you can talk to other people who are also dealing with the same problems as you can help reassure you that you are not alone in what you are facing.
Make Looking After Yourself a Priority
Your overall wellbeing is of course made up of more than just your mind and your thinking patterns, so making sure that you take ample time and space to look after your body is equally important. Be prepared to invest in getting regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep (as best you can) during this chapter of your life as you will need to be both physically and mentally strong to fully bounce back from the ‘hit’ of a divorce.
Incorporating practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and yoga can be especially useful here as they complement other more rigorous forms of exercise by promoting flexibility and reducing overall stress. Anxiety is often a central catalyst to the development of depression and other mental health problems, so anything that helps to calm and soothe your nervous system in a healthy way is a must!
Set Healthy Boundaries and Lean on Your Friends
Setting clear boundaries in your personal and work relationships to protect your mental and emotional space during divorce is another must, particularly when it comes to your ex-partner. Aim to be firm in deciding on the level and mode of communication that feels comfortable/manageable to you, and don’t hesitate to limit your interactions with them if they are causing you distress. Divorce often brings out the worst in people, and it is not uncommon for an ex-partner to try and leverage emotional guilt and manipulation to force their way in practical and financial negotiations. Keep in mind during these moments that it is ok to prioritise your mental health and say no when needed.
The value of your friendships and close family members will also become more apparent than ever during this time, as you will need to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you to face your challenges. Although it can sometimes be tempting to withdraw in moments of personal strife, beware of isolation and the way in which it can severely aggravate negative feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt, and shame. The simple act of reaching out to someone you love and trust for advice or help can make a world of difference in combatting such feelings – so do it!
Focus On What You Can Control
While there are certainly many aspects of the divorce process that are bound to end up outside of your control, directing your energy towards the areas of your life that you can influence helps to restore a much-needed sense of agency. Simple things like organizing your living space, planning a consistent weekly routine, setting personal goals, or taking up a small hobby for your personal enjoyment can give you a renewed sense of strength and hope for the future – both of which are invaluable tools in maintaining your mental health.
Practical action is also essential to reducing your anxiety during divorce, and it is strongly recommended that you seek out the help of a family law solicitor to help you understand your legal rights and options moving forward. Keep in mind that a good family lawyer will encourage you to seek more collaborative approaches, such as mediation, where possible in order to minimise conflict and avoid court proceedings which are both highly stressful and expensive.
Note: If children are involved, their well-being is also paramount so do what you can to foster open communication with them and maintain family routines as this will help provide a sense of stability and reassurance. If you are able to afford it, you might also consider involving child-focused professionals should the need to support their own emotional health become apparent.
When all is said and done, divorce is almost never a linear or smooth process, and so embracing the imperfection of it all, along with your own flaws and mistakes, is ultimately the only solution. Taking time to acknowledge the range of emotions that you will experience alongside the grief of an ended relationship is a necessity to allow yourself the time and space to mourn your loss, while also remaining open to the possibilities that lie ahead. Our expert family law solicitors at Grayfords are able to provide you with personal support and legal guidance throughout the entirety of the divorce process, so don’t hesitate to call us today on 020 7100 6100 to book your free consultation and find out more about how we can help.