The digital age has no doubt ushered in many significant changes to how we communicate with either other and build our relationships. However, as positive as the benefits of these new technologies are, they also come hand in hand with a set of new challenges surrounding fidelity and marriage – which is where the ever-growing issue of virtual cheating comes in. Relationships can now bud and flourish in near-complete secrecy thanks to the power of the internet, and this unfortunately has left many a betrayed partner or spouse asking themselves the question of whether virtual infidelity can be a valid reason for getting divorced.
So What Is Virtual Infidelity Exactly
Virtual infidelity refers to the act of engaging in intimate or emotionally charged interactions with someone other than one’s partner or spouse via digital means. This can include a variety of erotic activities such as cybersex and the exchanging of explicit content, or it can also refer to developing emotional/romantic connections through social media, which is known as ‘emotional cheating’. While physical infidelity involves direct contact between people, virtual infidelity primarily occurs through the intangible avenues of technology, which provide participants with greater anonymity and ease of access.
The Types of Virtual Infidelity
- Cybersex: This involves engaging in sexually explicit conversations or activities online, which can range from sexting to video calls.
- Emotional Connections: This refers to the forming of deep emotional bonds with someone online through frequent and intimate conversations, often involving the sharing of personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences which are normally considered to be exclusive to romantic relationships.
- An Online Affair: Refers to a combination of both emotional and sexual interactions that may span an extended period of time, leading to a fully-fledged online relationship that rivals or replaces the existing/preceding relationship with a spouse.
The Effects and Signs of Virtual Infidelity
Whenever one partner develops a deep emotional or physically intimate attachment to someone outside of their primary romantic relationship (this also includes the designated boundaries of an open or polyamorous relationship), the psychological and emotional effects for the other party are generally very damaging. Choosing to cheat in any capacity undermines the existing bond that two partners share and while virtual infidelity may lack physical contact, it can be just as traumatic in its effects as physically cheating. This is because it diverts emotional energy and attention away from the other partner or spouse in a manner that is deceptive, consequently creating a sense of betrayal for them and eroding trust.
Of course, every relationship is unique, but there are some common indicators that might suggest a partner may be engaging in virtual infidelity of some kind:
- Increased Online Activity: They spend more time online than they used to, often at odd hours of the day or night, and become secretive about their activities.
- A Heightened Demand For Privacy: They exhibit an increased sense of privacy with their electronic devices, such as changing passwords or getting defensive about their online interactions when asked about them.
- Changes In Their Behaviour: They start to become emotionally distant, less communicative, or more irritable with their partner and choose to invest less time and effort nurturing their relationship.
- Shifts In Desire For Physical Intimacy: A cheating partner may also display noticeable changes in their sexual interest, whether that be an unusually heightened or diminished desire for their partner.
What’s The Legal Perspective
Although this may come as a surprise to some, changes to UK law in April of 2022 now mean that you no longer have to cite a specific reason for why your marriage has broken down when applying for a divorce. All you have to do is inform the Court that you consider the marriage to have irretrievably broken down, with no prospects of a reconciliation. As such, the power ultimately lies with you as to whether you consider virtual infidelity to be reasonable grounds for a divorce. Each relationship and case of virtual infidelity is unique, and you will need to decide whether you still believe that a trusting and loving relationship can be rebuilt after the incident in question.
If you are considering the option of reconciliation, then it is advisable to seek out professional help from a couples’ therapist who may be able to identify any issues (either within the relationship or on the behalf of one party specifically) that might have caused the transgression. This can empower you both to work at building a more open and honest dialogue while also clearly defining your boundaries and expectations in the relationship. Alternatively, if you feel that you do not want to continue in your marriage, then you can certainly apply for a divorce to end things. Remember that there is no right or wrong answer in this case. Your emotional and psychological wellbeing should always be your top priority in any such circumstances, regardless of which course of action you choose to pursue.
Our divorce solicitors at Grayfords are experienced in dealing with a wide range cases within family law, including child arrangements, financial arrangements, and domestic abuse. We understand that facing these issues can be incredibly draining on both a practical and emotional/psychological level, which is why we are also equipped to support our clients with therapy and private client law (financial planning) support via our partners as detailed on our website. If you are considering a divorce or facing any other family issues, then don’t hesitate to contact us today and book in your free initial consultation to find out more about how we can help.
