As Featured On
Press
Grayfords News and Knowledgebase
- Grayfords
Moving in with a partner is a significant milestone in any relationship. When taking such a big step, it generally signifies a greater level of commitment between the two of you and possibly even intentions of officiating your union in the future. This transition can be filled with immense feelings of joy and anticipation for what is to come in your new chapter together, but it is important to take a moment to consider the practical and legal aspects of sharing a home before allowing yourself to be swept up in the excitement of it all. Unlike marriage or civil partnerships, cohabiting couples in the UK lack certain legal protections, so making sure that you understand your rights and responsibilities is an essential first point of call before you act on anything.
It’s Common Law Marriage, Right?
One of the most common misconceptions in the UK is the belief in “common law marriage,” which holds that when couples live together, they eventually gain the same rights as married couples over time. Unfortunately, this is simply untrue and there is no such legislation in effect to support such an idea. Cohabiting couples, no matter how long their relationship lasts, do not automatically acquire rights to each other’s property, inheritance, or pensions. You should therefore consider taking proactive steps to protect your interests and clarify the details of your new living arrangement before you go into it. After all, there is no harm in being sure that your affairs are in order if ever the relationship were to come to an end, or if one partner was to pass away.
Get a Cohabitation Agreement
Insert the cohabitation agreement, which can serve as a practical way to define your living arrangements, including the financial aspects, and protect both you and your partner’s interests. While not legally binding, these agreements are often taken into consideration by courts in legal proceedings, especially when they are well-drafted and agreed upon fairly. A cohabitation agreement can outline key aspects of your shared life with your partner, such as how you’ll divide rent or mortgage payments, manage household expenses, and handle ownership of assets. It can even address what would happen if the relationship were to end, providing a clear framework for how to deal with the practicalities of a potential split, which in turn reduces the likelihood of any unnecessary disputes in that event.
Buying or Renting
Being crystal clear about your financial commitments is especially important if you are intending to buy a home together. When doing this, partners in the UK can purchase a property either as joint tenants or tenants in common, and the differences between both options are important to be aware of:
- Joint tenants: This means you both own the property equally, and if one partner dies, the other automatically inherits their deceased partner’s share, regardless of any provisions which may be contained within the deceased partner’s Will.
- Tenants in common: This allows for the property to be held in unequal shares, which is especially useful in cases where one party is investing a lot more than the other in the property. Holding a property as tenants in common also makes it possible for each person’s share to be passed to someone named in their Will, instead of automatically passing to their partner/the other co-owner upon their death.
If you are moving into your partner’s property, it is still crucial to discuss whether you’ll have any legal interest in it. If you don’t have any formal ownership of the home, you may not be entitled to a share of the property in the event of a split, even if you have contributed to the mortgage and bills for many years. In certain circumstances, you may wish to enter into a Declaration of Trust to specify any particular contributions you have/will make and to stipulate that you do have an interest in the property (if this is solely owner by your partner), or a larger interest than the other co-owner (where the property is jointly owned). This will help to ensure that your financial interests will be dealt with fairly should the house ever need to be sold or transferred in the future.
If you are renting a home together, you will need to be sure that your tenancy agreement clearly accounts for both of your interests in the property. For example, if both names are on the lease, you will automatically share responsibility for the rent and any damages that occur during your tenancy. However, if only one partner’s name is on the lease, the other may have limited rights to the property if the relationship ends or the lease is terminated. You should therefore aim to have honest conversations about both of your financial contributions to the upkeep of your home, your responsibility for its deposit, and what your plans would be if one partner were to move out. Ensuring that you are both in agreement about your finances (especially if you are also considering opening a joint bank account or having joint savings) will help minimise any unnecessary conflict if ever you should both part ways in future.
What About Wills and Family Ties?
Although perhaps a bit of a morbid subject, it is also important to know that cohabiting couples do not have automatic inheritance rights. That is, if one partner dies without a Will, the other will not automatically inherit their estate under intestacy laws, regardless of how long they may have been living together. As mentioned above, you will need to draft a Will that clearly specifies anything you would like to leave to your partner if ever you were to unfortunately pass away. Specifying your wishes surrounding any inheritances in this event will also help reduce potential disputes among surviving family members and manage tax liabilities more effectively. This is particularly important for unmarried couples as they are not exempt from inheritance tax as spouses are. Note: setting up life insurance or a trust can also further secure your partner’s financial future here.
Finally, if you have children, you will need to make sure that you clearly understand parental rights and how they relate to all the above from a legal standpoint. For example, a lesser known fact here is that, in the UK, an unmarried father does not automatically gain parental responsibility for his child unless he is listed on the child’s birth certificate, enters into a parental responsibility agreement with the mother, or obtains a parental responsibility order from the Court. Parental responsibility allows a parent the legal right to make decisions about a child’s upbringing, education, and welfare. This is of course taking into account the wishes of any other adult with parental responsibility as well. Children can understandably be a highly sensitive topic to broach, but you should aim to discuss any such arrangements (if applicable) as early as you can in your relationship to ensure that both parents have the rights and responsibilities they need.
At Grayfords, we understand that relationships and families can take a variety of forms and we believe in supporting you to build a life that protects your interests as you navigate these. Our family law solicitors are highly experienced in a wide range of family law matters, including cohabitation agreements, pre and post nuptial agreements, and child arrangements. Don’t hesitate to call us today on 020 7100 6100 to book in your free initial consultation and find out more about how we can help.
- Grayfords
People often assume that abuse in relationships is an overtly obvious thing – like someone claiming they ‘walked into a door’ when asked about a black eye, or that same person being aggressively man-handled in public by their partner. However, in reality abuse is a far more complex and often hidden issue that extends well beyond just physical violence. Recognizing the early warning signs of abuse can be crucial in protecting one’s well-being and autonomy as it often develops slowly and subtly in a relationship. Below, we’ll explore which signs can help you identify abusive dynamics, enabling you to make safer and more informed choices about the relationships you choose to pursue.
The Nature of Abuse: Coercive Control and Manipulation
In an abusive relationship, the abusive partner’s primary goal is to exert control over their victim. This control often manifest itself in cycles, fluctuating between kindness and cruelty on behalf of the abuser. Such cycles will typically involve a pattern known as coercive control, where the abusive individual utilizes physical, emotional, sexual, or even financial means to dominate their partner’s actions and decisions.
It is important to note here that abuse does not have to be constant or overtly physical to be damaging—in fact, it is often psychological in nature, and this can erode the victim’s sense of autonomy and self-worth over time with prolonged exposure. Even if the abuse is only intermittent, a recurring pattern of intentional harm signals that a partner is abusive.
Key Signs of an Abusive Relationship
If you suspect that your partner is abusive in their interactions with you, here are some key indicators that would confirm it:
- Intense Jealousy and Possessiveness: An abusive partner may demand excessive time and attention, reacting with anger or suspicion when you spend time with friends, family, or even simply your colleagues. Note that this jealousy is not a sign of affection, but it is actually one of control and it can escalate quickly.
- Excessive Control Over Daily Life Routines: With time, abusers will often increasingly attempt to dictate every aspect of their partner’s lives, from how they dress to whom they spend time with and where they go. They might require constant communication from you about where you are and what you are doing, engendering a feeling of being more of a possession than their equal.
- Isolation from Friends and Family: On the subject of controlling who you spend time with, an abuser will seek to limit your support system by reducing your time spent with love ones. This tactic, known as “divide and conquer,” involves discouraging or forbidding contact with family and friends, often by criticizing them or instigating conflicts between you and them. The aim is to reduce any outside influence that could potentially support you in leaving the abuser or challenging their abuse.
- Invasion of Privacy: Abusive partners may also routinely check their partner’s phone, emails, and personal belongings without their consent, ignoring the normal boundaries of privacy completely. This form of surveillance is used to reinforce their control and also instil fear, making you feel as if you don’t have the right to any personal space.
- Emotional Manipulation and Degradation: An abuser will attempt to regularly belittle you so that you begin to feel unworthy or incapable/incompetent as a person. They may use insults, consistently ‘put you down’ in conversation, or try and embarrass you in private and public settings to achieve this. Such behaviour will eventually undermine your self-esteem and may lead you to rely more heavily on them for validation which will only reinforce their control over you.
- Blame Shifting and Guilt-Tripping: Abusive partners are also generally incapable of taking accountability, and so they will deflect responsibility for their actions and blame you as the victim of their mistreatment for ‘causing’ or ‘forcing’ them to be abusive. This ‘you made me do it’ attitude is designed to make you feel responsible for their insults or violence and to foster guilt and self-blame within you that will prevent you from ever leaving them.
- Threats and Intimidation: Abusers may escalate their controlling behaviour to physical intimidation, such as threatening harm to you, themselves, or even loved ones and pets. This behaviour is meant to stop you from seeking help or escaping them by instilling fear of the possible negative consequences should you choose to challenge or leave them.
- Destroying Personal Belongings: Some abusive partners act out by breaking or damaging items that are important to their partner as a way of punishing them for resisting their control. Note that this form of abuse can also be a means of attempting to erase their victim’s sense of identity and security.
- Lack of Compassion and Empathy: Another telling sign of an abusive partner is that they will often be indifferent to your emotions or any hardships you are enduring. They will dismiss or ridicule them when you show vulnerability or express a need for emotional support. This lack of compassion reinforces the isolation they have sought to create for you and also prevents you from feeling valued or understood, further compounding the problem.
- Pressure to Abandon Personal Interests: As a further step in robbing you of your autonomy and sense of self, an abuser may push you to give up hobbies, goals, or friendships that don’t directly involve them. This will only make you further dependent on them for all aspects of your daily life and also further alienate you from your own friends and family, reinforcing the abuser’s goal of becoming the sole focus and authority in your life.
Different Types of Abuse
These patterns of behaviour all fall under the umbrella of abuse in a relationship, but they can be broken down into several ‘categories’ or forms that are distinct from each other:
- Physical Abuse: This involves any form of physical harm, including hitting, slapping, or other forms of bodily assault from an abuser. It also can include the previously mentioned threats of violence made to instil fear in a victim so that they are further traumatised.
- Emotional and Mental Abuse: All of the behaviours listed further above where an abuser will attempt to control, insult, ridicule, or neglect their partner to erode their self-worth fall into this category.
- Financial Abuse: An abusive partner may also restrict access to money, use finances to control their partner’s decisions, or entirely prevent them from working to reinforce a state of greater dependency on them.
- Sexual Abuse: An especially nefarious form of abuse, this can include any non-consensual sexual activity or coercion from the abuser and can also involve manipulation related to contraception or reproductive choices.
What Does the Cycle of Abuse Look Like?
Once aware of the behaviours that constitute abuse, it is also important to take note of the recognizable cycle that abusive relationships tend to follow so you can take action to protect yourself:
- Tension Building: Prior to an abusive incident, the abuser becomes increasingly distant or agitated, creating an atmosphere of tension in the relationship. The abused partner may feel anxious or fear discussing specific issues in the knowledge that they could trigger anger or a violent outburst.
- The Explosion: Once building tension escalates to a tipping point, this phase may involve verbal, emotional, or physical violence from the abuser in an act to assert their dominance.
- Honeymoon Period: Following the abusive incident, the abuser may then apologize, promise to change or act kindly to “make up” for their behaviour, giving the abused partner a false sense of hope. Note however that the cycle always repeats itself and this is merely a tactic of coercive controlling behaviour.
If you are facing challenges in a relationship that match any of the above descriptions, you need to know that you do not have to stay silent or suffer this mistreatment. Our family law solicitors are not only trained to provide expert legal guidance and advice, but they also adopt an empathetic and caring approach to give you the support you need in resolving a challenging relationship or family matter, alongside our consultants who specialise in mediation, private client law, and therapy. Don’t hesitate to contact us today and book in your free consultation to find out more about how we can help you.
Neil Graham, a Partner at Grayfords says: “All relationships have their ups and downs. Good and fulfilling relationships contribute positively to the longevity of our physical wellbeing and to the quality of our mental wellbeing and have consistently been shown to be a predictor of contentment in life. Violence, abuse and controlling behaviour, however, should have no place in a relationship nor in the family home. There are many organisations that offer help and support and from whom information and help can be obtained safely and remotely. At Grayfords we also regularly advise individuals upon the possibility of obtaining Non-Molestation and Occupation Orders and the process involved. We can offer initial consultations via telephone, Skype or Zoom, or initial contact can be made with us via e-mail or via our live chat facility at www.grayfords.co.uk ”
- Grayfords
In relationships, the lines between normal ups and downs and signs of something more harmful can sometimes blur, especially when emotions run high. Abuse is not always visible, and it does not always leave a mark you can see. It is often subtle, creeping into everyday interactions and creating a pervasive sense of fear, isolation, and self-doubt.
Understanding the hallmarks of an abusive relationship is a crucial first step toward seeking support, whether for yourself or someone you care about. Here are five signs that often indicate an abusive dynamic and steps to take if they feel familiar.
If you recognise these signs in your own life, remember that there is support available. Speaking up and seeking help can be challenging, but reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor can be a crucial first step toward finding safety and clarity. Resources such as domestic abuse hotlines, legal support, and therapy can provide guidance and support.
At Grayfords, we understand that dealing with an abusive relationship can be complex and deeply personal. Our compassionate team of family law professionals is here to provide guidance and support for anyone facing such challenges. Whether you need legal advice, a safe space to talk, or a roadmap for moving forward, we are here to help, so don’t hesitate to contact us at 020 7100 6100 for a free initial consultation – because no one should have to face this journey alone.
