One of the most common – and emotionally charged – questions we hear from parents going through a separation is: Will my child get a say in what happens?
It is a completely natural concern. When you are navigating the breakdown of a relationship, your child’s wellbeing is front and centre. And if they are old enough to express themselves, it is only fair to wonder whether their voice will be heard by the court – especially when decisions are being made about where they will live or how often they will see each parent.
The truth is, in England and Wales, there isn’t a fixed age where a child automatically gets a say. However, the law does offer some helpful guidance. According to the Children Act 1989, a child’s wishes and feelings should be considered, taking into account their age and understanding. In practice, this tends to mean that once a child is around 12 or older, their views are often given more weight – but younger children can still be heard if they are mature enough to express a clear opinion.
The courts don’t just ask, “What does the child want?” They also consider why they want it, and whether it is in their best interests. This is always the key focus. The aim is never to put pressure on a child or make them choose sides, but to gently understand what matters to them and help shape decisions that support their emotional and physical wellbeing.
Sometimes, a CAFCASS officer (an independent court-appointed social worker) will meet with the child and speak to them in a safe, age-appropriate way. Other times, older children may write a letter, or share their views through a solicitor. And in rare situations, particularly mature teenagers may even speak to the judge directly – though this is handled with great care.
What we always remind parents is this: being “heard” doesn’t mean the child makes the final decision. The court weighs many factors. But a child’s voice is still a powerful part of the conversation.
We know it can be a lot to take in, so we have created a quick and structured infographic to break it down for you – from how children are heard, to what really matters to the court.
If you are unsure how your child might be involved in your case, or how to talk to them about what’s happening, we are here to help – call us on 020 7100 6100 for a free initial consultation.
At the end of the day, it is about doing what’s right for them – and giving them the respect and reassurance they deserve, no matter their age.