It is no secret that coming to terms with the possibility of infidelity in a relationship is extremely difficult for almost anyone. When proven a reality, the sense of betrayal can be overwhelming – but then again, so can the sneaking suspicion that a partner may have been unfaithful. While direct proof of such a thing is often hard to come by, there are some behavioural changes that can be keen indicators of infidelity if it is in fact happening. Whether the kind of infidelity in question is physical, emotional, or both, recognising the warning signs early can help you to decide how you should proceed in your relationship if you are uncertain.
Below, we have outlined some key indicators of infidelity that our family law solicitors have encountered often in their cases so you can be aware of what to look out for. However, it is important to take the following with a pinch of salt as not all difficulties in a relationship are related to cheating. More on that further on below.
1. They Spend an Unusual Amount of Time on Their Phone
If your partner has suddenly become more attached to their phone and is constantly texting or taking calls in private, this could be a possible indicator of unfaithfulness. When an affair develops, the parties involved often adopt a ‘need-to-know’ approach to sharing information with their actual partners, choosing to omit details about their activities and conversations that would raise suspicion. Keep an eye out for avoidant behaviour from a partner when asked about where they were and what they were doing during the day. If their responses to your questions about this are no longer as forthcoming and relaxed as they used to be, you may have some cause for concern.
2. Emotional Distance and Intimacy Are Suddenly Reduced
One of the most painful aspects of cheating is the emotional withdrawal that often accompanies it. When a partner notably stops sharing their personal thoughts, feelings, or daily experiences with you, this can be a sign of emotional unavailability. This is because they will instead be confiding in someone else if they are in fact cheating. Bear in mind, however, that withdrawal can also be a sign of other issues, such as difficulties with mental health, so you should try not to jump to conclusions too quickly at first.
3. They Have Notably Changed Their Physical Appearance
People engaged in an affair will often present a sudden and unexplained interest in grooming, a new wardrobe, or increased focus on their fitness as they make efforts to impress their new romantic prospect. Of course, self-improvement is only healthy and something that should be encouraged between partners – but if these changes coincide with other factors listed here, such as emotional distance or secrecy, you may need to consider the possibility that they are doing all this for someone else’s attention.
4. Physical Intimacy Has Changed
Ebbs and flows in one’s physical connection to their partner are normal in the progression of any relationship, with things sometimes being better or worse at different times. However, if a partner’s actions in this respect have abruptly begun to change, whether that be an increase or decrease of desire, this can be a warning sign of an affair. Be watchful if your partner suddenly introduces new behaviours, preferences, or just avoids intimacy altogether with you as this could indicate that they are engaging with somebody else on this level.
5. They Become Overly Defensive or Evasive
If your partner becomes excessively defensive whenever you ask them simple questions about their whereabouts or activities, this tends to be a tell-tale sign that they are hiding something they don’t want you to know about. Equally, the over-explaining of minor details to give an excessive sense of transparency can also be a sign that a partner is overcompensating for their being dishonest with you elsewhere. However, such behaviour does not always point towards cheating as other personal issues on their behalf could be to blame. Try to take a bird’s eye view of the situation before jumping to any conclusions.
6. Unexplained Changes in Their Routine
An affair is quite a difficult thing to execute without being found out as the perpetrator has to be able to juggle two lives, one in the open and the other in secret. As a result, they need to find ways to step in and out of both lifestyles, and this can present as sudden changes in their work schedule, new hobbies, or an increased number of unexplained outings. There is obviously nothing wrong with both partners trying new things and evolving whilst being in their relationship, but a dramatic shift in one’s daily routine without a clear reason could indicate they are spending time with someone else.
7. Their Finances Aren’t Adding Up
If you notice unusual withdrawals, hidden expenses, or receipts from places you haven’t visited together, this could also be cause for concern. People engaging in affairs will often use cash transactions to avoid leaving a paper trail, so you should also keep that in mind if you suspect your partner of spending in places they shouldn’t be.
8. Hesitancy to Plan for the Future
Although you may have been making plans to settle down with your partner, buy a house, or even consider the possibility of children with them, if they are suddenly showing reluctance to discuss these topics with you or are shying away from any long-term commitments, you should take note. A partner who is cheating will oftentimes not wish to commit to any long-term plans – even simple ones like organising a vacation – as their intentions towards you will likely have changed.
Not all unfaithful partners intend to leave their primary relationship however, so this is not always a dead giveaway of infidelity. Furthermore, a partner may also take a step back from their relationship due to internal struggles they may be dealing with about what they want for themselves. Remember, taking time to consider all the possibilities here is important before making any accusations or believing the worst-case scenario.
9. They Suddenly Start Being Very Generous
Perhaps a little more subtle of a sign of potential cheating is the sudden giving of gifts, excessive compliments, or ‘extra’ affection. Unfortunately, in the case of a cheating partner, these behaviours are not genuine and represent a need to overcompensate for the guilt they feel in being dishonest to you. Gift-giving and lavishing a partner is completely normal in a healthy relationship, but when this takes an unexpected turn towards the extravagant or totally out of the ordinary, you should beware that something could be afoot.
When taking all the above into consideration, it is very important to also keep in mind that just because you recognise a few of the signs in your relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner is being unfaithful to you. Jumping to conclusions can have a serious effect on any relationship that may be going through a rough patch due to a variety of different reasons, all of which don’t obligatorily have to be cheating. This is where open and honest communication comes into play. If you have been harbouring doubts and fears about some of your partner’s behaviours, try to approach them calmly and express your concerns without making any accusations. If you both have a solid foundation of honesty and clear communication in your relationship, then this could help to quickly identify another reason that may be at the root of the recent changes in their behaviour.
However, if the issues persist, seeking counselling or professional guidance may help both of you navigate the situation. You may also wish to separate from your partner, especially if any of your doubts have turned out to be true, and this is where our family law solicitors can help with making the necessary financial and practical arrangements so you can start a new life. Don’t hesitate to call us today on 020 7100 6100 and book your free consultation to find out more.
